#28 The most important
After the last post, I had to think this through.
So this is more of a talk than pixel art post.
Firstly, I had to reconsider why am I doing all of it. I know what was the spark that ignited the flame, but what is the fuel?
I was wondering if I just wanted to learn something, because everyone else has some ability or talent. I'm surrounded by so many amazing, talented, hardworking people. And I can't do anything special. It was a step in a right direction, but I felt like it's not exactly it. There are things that I'm good at and even if not, it did not explain why I started the way I did.
Another possibility was boredom. It wasn't right eater. I had some free time, but I'm also lazy. Even when I had more, it did not motivate me.
What's funny, the correct answer was probably the very first I thought of. I just wanted to give, not only take. It sounds stupid, but it is my reason. I want to give back something to all this amazing people around me. I wanted to show that I care, and make them feel important. I feel like for my entire life I was only taking. Just had nothing to share.
It also explains why I started when I started. Because I wanted to give something, and had nothing to share. That was the reason why it hurt so much, not only I was loosing something great, but also couldn't do anything to show how much it meant to me.
That's why my last pixel caused me so much pain. It was supposed to be a gift. But I still can not make something that is as good as people around me deserve. I felt like it will never be. They will be long gone before I will be able to properly thank them... again.
This is my reason, my fuel, my goal. It may be stupid, shortsighted or simply unworthy. But what's why I'm still going, and not going to stop. One day, I will be able to show people how much they mean to me. I just have to work harder. If they will be gone before I will be ready, that's life. Could not change that. I just have to do my best.
If you are also in a little crisis like me. Sit for a while and ask yourself questions: Why did I start doing this? Why am I still doing it? What do I want to achieve?
For me, they are: Because I wasn't able to give when it mattered the most. I'm still surrounded by people that deserve my gratitude and I want to show them that. I want to make someone understand how much they mean to me, by giving them something made by me, thanks to them.
There is no commentary needed on this art. I used it only as a way to clear my mind before writing, and I think only one person will know what it is, and how much it's worth (thank you).
